Category Archives: sweet mother of cheese

On history.

[Steve was talking about how the US’s natural enemy switched from the Nazis to the Soviet Union after World War II, and then I mentioned something about the nuclear stockpiles/deterrent.]

[Affects a serious look.]

Ahhhhh, the Cold War. Yes.

On an argument between two gentlemen.

[The assignment was to write a rhyming poem using Shakespearean insults and language.]

Shakespearean Insult Poem

Thou beef-witted, beetleheaded bugbear,
Thou canst not have her, she is so fair.

Nay, thou rough-hewn, dizzy-eyed, half-faced cloakbag of guts,
I am the swain for her, I shall wield mine sword and give thee cuts!

Fie, I am the better sword-fighter, thou art just a puny loser –
Thou beslubbering barnacle, thou shalt truly lose her.

Pish! Thou canst not fool me; I have seen thee in action.
But thou art cowardly, it is I with the true passion.

Hark! Here comes the lady…

Ye slimy dog-hearted louts! You darest yell in front of my door?
You are bumptious. And you are craven. And I… require more.

On What The Hell?

[Allie has been blasting Adele’s “21” on repeat. She pauses and comes into the office.]

You know, the lyrics to these songs don’t sound like an actual adult. They are more dramatic and immature – kind of like a teenager. I mean, I still like it, but…

On wishful thinking.

Hey buddy, I think your music may be a little loud.

WHAT???? Sorry, could you speak up?

Ha. I think your music might be a bit loud – especially since you couldn’t hear me.

Oh, come on, Mum – it’s not too loud, I’m practically a teenager in most respects!

On dark poetry.

[A poem, written in the dark after bedtime.]

the irreversible sleep,
the irreversible sleep.
O, death!

On our daughter, Erik Selvig.

Hey mum! Look at this… [She shows me a long list of names.] It’s a list of all the people that are my BFF’s.

That’s cool, kiddo. 

I also have badges. As members of The List, they will be entitled to wear them when they come over.

[I look down, and am astonished to note that she is not wearing any pants.]

Dude! Where are your pants?

Oh, I took them off. I’m airing out the privates. [Beat]

And quite honestly, it helps me work better.

Erik Selvig, noted physicist and repudiator of pants

Erik Selvig, noted physicist and repudiator of pants