Category Archives: School

On book options.

Mum, I couldn’t find The Fellowship of the Ring, may I read some P.G. Wodehouse instead?

On riddles

There are no words in the dictionary spelled incorrectly… Except, “incorrectly!”

On education.

[Allie is reviewing an arts school application and is reading about the Dance Dept.]

“…All children study creative modern, theatrical jazz, and national dance. Ballet is an optional program.”

[Looks up in horror]


On the night before school.

[Allie is laying out clothes before bedtime.]

By now, you see, most kids will have established a routine, and I want to do that, too.

On Gilgamesh.

[Allie is about to begin her study of the Epic of Gilgamesh.]

So, kiddo – you get to read Gilamesh tomorrow!


I mean, not the whole thing – it’s quite long.

Right. Obviously. IT IS AN EPIC, AFTER ALL. [Rolls eyes.]

On an argument between two gentlemen.

[The assignment was to write a rhyming poem using Shakespearean insults and language.]

Shakespearean Insult Poem

Thou beef-witted, beetleheaded bugbear,
Thou canst not have her, she is so fair.

Nay, thou rough-hewn, dizzy-eyed, half-faced cloakbag of guts,
I am the swain for her, I shall wield mine sword and give thee cuts!

Fie, I am the better sword-fighter, thou art just a puny loser –
Thou beslubbering barnacle, thou shalt truly lose her.

Pish! Thou canst not fool me; I have seen thee in action.
But thou art cowardly, it is I with the true passion.

Hark! Here comes the lady…

Ye slimy dog-hearted louts! You darest yell in front of my door?
You are bumptious. And you are craven. And I… require more.