Mum, I couldn’t find The Fellowship of the Ring, may I read some P.G. Wodehouse instead?
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Mum, I couldn’t find The Fellowship of the Ring, may I read some P.G. Wodehouse instead?
There are no words in the dictionary spelled incorrectly… Except, “incorrectly!”
[Allie is reviewing an arts school application and is reading about the Dance Dept.]
“…All children study creative modern, theatrical jazz, and national dance. Ballet is an optional program.”
[Looks up in horror]
OPTIONAL BALLET????!?
[Allie is laying out clothes before bedtime.]
By now, you see, most kids will have established a routine, and I want to do that, too.
[Allie is about to begin her study of the Epic of Gilgamesh.]
So, kiddo – you get to read Gilamesh tomorrow!
Yeahhhhhh!
I mean, not the whole thing – it’s quite long.
Right. Obviously. IT IS AN EPIC, AFTER ALL. [Rolls eyes.]
[The assignment was to write a rhyming poem using Shakespearean insults and language.]
Shakespearean Insult Poem
Thou beef-witted, beetleheaded bugbear,
Thou canst not have her, she is so fair.
Nay, thou rough-hewn, dizzy-eyed, half-faced cloakbag of guts,
I am the swain for her, I shall wield mine sword and give thee cuts!
Fie, I am the better sword-fighter, thou art just a puny loser –
Thou beslubbering barnacle, thou shalt truly lose her.
Pish! Thou canst not fool me; I have seen thee in action.
But thou art cowardly, it is I with the true passion.
Hark! Here comes the lady…
Ye slimy dog-hearted louts! You darest yell in front of my door?
You are bumptious. And you are craven. And I… require more.
Whither Earthlings 