Mummy. You should go back to bed – I am going to go to the bathroom by myself.
Oh, that’s great – good luck!
[P closes the door, and I happily go back to bed. A pause.]
Mummy! I got up on the big seat all by myself!
That’s great, jellybean! Well done. [Another pause.]
I’m having a bowel movement. I asked you to go so you wouldn’t have to smell my poop.
Fair enough, bud. Let me know if you need anything.
[Another pause. Some shuffling. A pause. A lot of clicking.]
Maybe the doorknob. [sigh]
Maybe I need help with the doorknob.