On book options.

Mum, I couldn’t find The Fellowship of the Ring, may I read some P.G. Wodehouse instead?

On riddles

There are no words in the dictionary spelled incorrectly… Except, “incorrectly!”

On sleep-talking.

[I come in to turn out the light after bedtime reading. Allie sits bolt upright as I remove the book from her clutches.]


[Falls back asleep.]


On a sunny vacation.

Dear Dad,

I will miss you so much. I will take lots of pictures and come home with perfectly preserved skin.


On major compliments.

[Allie is looking at a photo of me from my punk rock days.]

Whoa. You look nice. Who are you, Cherie Currie?


The actual Cherie Currie.

On the death of a laptop.

Goodnight, sweet computer. You had a long, hard-working life. Sleep well.

[Pulls plug]

On education.

[Allie is reviewing an arts school application and is reading about the Dance Dept.]

“…All children study creative modern, theatrical jazz, and national dance. Ballet is an optional program.”

[Looks up in horror]